Top 10 Worst Christmas Songs

I’m the opposite of a Christmas Grinch.

I don’t care if it’s before Thanksgiving when I start listening to Christmas music, planning out Christmas presents and watching Home Alone.  If Christmas means oodles of family time, fun wintertime activities and lots and lots of cookie baking, why not start celebrating the next Christmas on December 26th?  That all sounds fun to me!

What this really means is that I was religiously checking the radio to see when they would finally start playing Christmas music.  Finally, because they made me wait past Halloween and three weeks into November.  The horror.  So now that I’ve been listening to it for a solid two weeks, I’ve come to a very important realization. 

I hate a lot more Christmas songs than I actually like.

Top 10 Worst Christmas Songs:

Aka songs I never want to hear again.

1. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen — Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan

I love Barenaked Ladies but this song makes me want to claw my own ears off.  And do an epic impersonation of Sarah McLachlan.

2. Merry Christmas, Baby — Bruce Springsteen

But I love whoever made that picture.  Hilarious.

3. Christmas Time is Here — Vince Guaraldi Trio

I’m always so confused when I hear that this is by some trio, because it sounds like a choir of 8 year-old boys singing in falsetto to me.

Hence it’s horridness. 

P.S. Horridity is not a word, but horridness is.  Apparently.

4. Christmas Shoes — Newsong

I mentioned to Joey’s mom last week that I “cannot listen to Christmas Shoes!”  She asked if it was because it’s so sad, because that’s why she has a hard time listening to it.

I replied, “because it’s horrible and annoying.”

She’s a much nicer person than I am.

Do you think these were the Christmas shoes the boy was talking about??

5. Santa Baby — Madonna

I want to punch Madonna for taking one of my favorite Christmas songs since I was little and singing it in possibly the most annoying voice ever.

Don’t even get me started on singers making up weird accents.  I’m looking at you, Blink 182.

In addition to doing an epic Sarah McLachlan impersonation, I can also do a spot on Blink 182 one.

6. You Make it Feel Like Christmas — Neil Diamond

Oh so much to say.

This song is so bad yet I have a hard time changing the radio station because the lyrics are so terrible it’s almost amusing to listen to them.

I’m not sure what’s scarier, Neil’s performance at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade of the fact that he thought “wake up the kids, put on some tea” was an acceptable line in a song.

Neil, how dare  you give us Sweet Caroline and then put out such a bad holiday song?  I expected much much better.

7. Merry Christmas, Darling

Karen Carpenter’s voice makes me fall asleep.

It should be banned on the radio.

8. Believe — Josh Groban

I can’t think of a cheesier song.

Nuff said.

9. Christmas Don’t Be Late — The Chipmunks

Is it even legal to play such an obnoxious song on the radio?

I’m envisioning some serious cases of road rage developing after having to listen to those chipmunk voices for longer than 3 seconds.

10. Anything by James Taylor

Does it make me sound like an old person if I say I actually kind of like JT?  And I am still talking about James Taylor, although saying I like JT can be confusing because those are both Justin Timberlake and Joey’s initials.

I even bought James Taylor concert tickets once.  We didn’t end up going, but that’s besides the point.

Despite not minding James Taylor’s normal music, I hate his Christmas songs.

At least he has a classy-looking album cover?

If it were up to me, they’d play a lot more Harry Connick Jr., David Archuleta and Chris Brown.

And yes, I’m well aware that I sound like a broken record with the HCJ infatuation.

But a broken record is preferable over any of the ten aforementioned songs.

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What’s your most hated Christmas/holiday song?

What’s your favorite?