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Please Eggsplain

May 21, 2011

This was going to be a post about egg salad.


Pause for egg salad movie quote:

“God, Friday, when I went home, I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. And I was just obsessing about it and I was like: ‘Man, I’m gonna make one of those.’ So-so, Saturday I went out and got, like, a dozen eggs and I boiled them all and then I just I-I spent, I don’t know, probably three hours… like three and a half hours making you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika and, you know, all the accoutrement. And then by the time I was done I just really didn’t feel like eating it.”

Gosh, I love 40-Year-Old Virgin.  But anyways, that’s not what happened.

What did happen was that I apparently don’t know how to hardboil or peel an egg. 

I thought I did. 

  • Cover eggs with water
  • Bring to a boil
  • Remove from heat and let sit 10 minutes
  • Transfer to a bowl of ice water
  • Crack
  • Peel Make lame attempt at peeling

I ended up with eggs that clearly weren’t cooked and I managed to peel half the egg along with the shell.

Someone please explain how to do these two things.  I need help.

In other more successful news, I made the best thing ever.


Blend equal parts almond butter and vanilla almond milk with some cinnamon and a drizzle of maple syrup and resist the urge to just drink the entire batch.

Note: Joey is asking me if I want to trade a taste of almond butter sauce for a bite of the Laffy Taffy he just stuck grape Nerds to.  No, Joey, I really don’t.  He’s out of control.

Note #2: I just fell out of my chair at the same time I was feeding a spoonful of almond butter sauce to a closed eye Joey.  I’m out of control too.


Warning: Have a dipping utensil, aka celery, ready immediately or you really will be tempted to just drink this.





At least I can complete simple food tasks like blending nut butter and milk, right?

Have you botched any “simple” tasks lately?

13 Comments leave one →
  1. Mandi permalink
    May 21, 2011 5:46 PM

    Haha, just the other day my boyfriend asked me if I could boil him some eggs for an egg salad sandwich since he didn’t know how. Of course I poked a bit of fun at him for not being able to do something as “simple” as boil eggs, only to end up in front of the stove with the egg carton and a pot of water realizing that I hadn’t boiled eggs in years and had no idea what to do. However, thanks to a quick google search, they turned out okay. The only thing I did different from you was reducing it to a low heat for about 12 min and letting it simmer instead of removing it from the heat all together. I’m no expert though. And how bad would it be to start drinking that almond butter sauce by the glassful? I honestly don’t think I’d be able to resist.

    • May 22, 2011 1:36 PM

      I think the amount of time I let them cook was where I went wrong.

  2. May 21, 2011 6:31 PM

    When I ate hardboiled eggs like chickens were going out of style, I had to ask my mom every. single. time. how to do it right. You’d think I’d have remembered…but I still don’t. Sorry! I DO remember, however, that I swore by salting the water. Makes them easier to peel! I think I’ve heard vinegar helps, too? Did you keep them covered while they sat? Sounds familiar (as in, I think that’s how I always did it) except I never transferred them to ice water. HMM! Either way…don’t worry. I can never do the simplest things when it comes to kitchen things 😛
    Aaaand I’ll take some AB sauce please.

  3. May 21, 2011 6:49 PM

    Haha! Oh I love 40 year old virgin. On my list of favorite movies for sure.

    I really wanna help you on the eggs, but I’m not sure if I ever did it “right”. Ahh well. The way I do it is bring the eggs to a boil, let them boil for about 6-7 minutes, take them off the heat, and immediately transfer to cold water. Then leave them in the water for a minute or so, and they should be pretty easy to peel. Don’t quote me on that, though! Because like I said… I don’t know if it’s right, I just know that it works… most of the time 😉

    • May 22, 2011 1:35 PM

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who isn’t 100% sure on the hardboiling method and a love for 40-Year-Old Virgin.

  4. May 22, 2011 12:31 PM

    This was a long time ago, but in Junior High I made Easy Mac without water! The microwave started smoking!

  5. May 22, 2011 1:43 PM

    I am the queen of messing the simplest things up. I managed to botch my cereal yesterday morning and add apple juice instead of hemp milk. 😐 It was SO sweet… but… good

    • May 22, 2011 3:15 PM

      Ha ha, I can understand a mistake like that. I mean apple juice and hemp milk do look pretty alike 😛 Sounds like a tasty mistake at least!

  6. May 22, 2011 2:10 PM

    I somehow botched putting the breaks on while parking a couple days ago (sigh…I would…lol). I was supposed to drop one of my kids off at his house before I went home for the day, but I needed to run a quick errand first. I pulled up to the curb and exited the car, thinking that I had actually put my car in park. But no, oh no. And then the kid was still in the car….so as soon as I get out of the car, the car lurches forward toward another parked car. Luckily, I’m stealthy like a ninja, so I managed to jump back into the moving car and slam the breaks before I did anymore damage. Lol. I AM SO RIDICULOUS SOMETIMES.

  7. May 22, 2011 4:20 PM

    YUM! That would be so good with banana soft serve! Unfortunately, I fail every time I try to make almond butter.

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